I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
