I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
