I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
