If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize