It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
