i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
