is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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