the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
