Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
