Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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