but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
