He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
