i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
