if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
