Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
