last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
