if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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