Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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