god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
