Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
