told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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