there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize