Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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