True but thats because hes a fetus.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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