there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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