Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
false alarm. still invincible.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
