We're facebook friends in real life
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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