just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
