it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
