You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
