wrigley field is MILF paradise
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
