i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
