im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
