Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
