omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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