you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
