He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
