i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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