Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize