I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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