i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
