My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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