dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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