did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
