Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
