hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she told me i tasted like america
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
