how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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