I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
