Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
