i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
