i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
