well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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