i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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