turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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