I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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