As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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