really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
