party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
