Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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