Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
