i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
