The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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