I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
