I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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