I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
