Just fell off a train. Bad.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize