I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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