Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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