why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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