i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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