Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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