omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
