Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
