it wasn't lemon gatorade
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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