You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
