Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
