Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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