I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
