yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
