Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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