oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
