Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
