I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
