Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
