Just fell off a train. Bad.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
