There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
